Wait or Date: How Do I Find God’s Best?

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Wait or Date: How Do I Find God’s Best?
By Julie Ferwerda

CBN.com – On the one hand, you don’t want to get ahead of God. You’ve done that plenty of times before…going out on dates with people you barely know, getting all smoochy-kissy-faced and cozy (or worse) on the first date, spending every waking moment talking, texting, and hanging out, planning a future together before you even know each other’s middle names…all the usual stuff. And always with the same results—disappointment, regret, and dashed hopes.

Should you just keep to yourself, hoping God will mysteriously drop Mr./Ms. Right onto your doorstep in some freak encounter? Or maybe He’ll arrange that chance meeting over the banana bin at the grocery store. Reaching for the same bunch at the same time, you’ll suddenly look up, your eyes will catch, and…you’ll just know (hey, it works in Hollywood, right?). Either way, you tell yourself this time it has to be all God because you’ve made too many mistakes rushing ahead of Him with your own plans before.

On the other hand, what if you miss the boat? In this heroic effort to wait completely on God, the days, months, and maybe years go by while you’ve done everything short of checking yourself in to a monastery. You try to mind your own business, keep your head down, and stay home so you’ll stay out of trouble. But the doorbell never rings, and the produce section never produces. What if there was more you should have done? How do you know for sure?

BUT…Wait! Before you cruise down the road to enlightenment, check out some reasons why, for you, any date (or mate) at this point in time would be a big mistake.

God has impressed upon you not to get involved with anyone for a (specified or unspecified) reason or length of time
God has instructed you to allow every opportunity for your unmarried ex-spouse to reconcile with you (this is usually the rule, not the exception)
You are not completely healed emotionally from past relationships (including angry, depressed, needy, or bitter)
You are insecure or hoping another person will complete you (emotionally, financially or spiritually) or make you happy
You are not “technically” divorced
You are rebounding from another relationship
You have a history of choosing “losers” and haven’t done anything to figure out why or how to stop the cycle

Now we can safely move on to answer the question for the rest of you…to date or not to date?

Isaac & Becky…ultra-radical dating somewhere around 2,000 B.C.: Crack open your bible to Genesis 24 to find some solid clues for solving the dating dilemma. What was good for Isaac and Becky is still good today. Here’s the basic storyline: Isaac was ready to get married (hint) but his dad, Abe, just didn’t jive with the local divas. So, applying his deft computer skills, Abe posted Isaacs’s dating profile on QualityChristianBabes.com to find a wife for his son. Okay, it wasn’t exactly like that, but he did do the next best thing—he sent one of his trusted workers back to his home country in search of the future bride.

Key Point 1: Isaac and Rebecca were ready to get married (verse 67). Do you really have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince/princess? If you believe that God has one specific person picked for you to spend your life with (and hopefully you will before this article is over!), what is the point of wasting time, money, energy, emotions, and lip action on the wrong person? W-A-S-T-E is the understatement, and until you’re ready to get married, I suggest you do more K.I.S.S.—ing (keeping it simple stud)—don’t complicate your life with the wrong thing at the wrong time. Trying out as many romantic options as possible to make sure you land on the right one doesn’t make you more ready or more sure—it makes you more used up.

Key Point 2: The future wife (and husband)-to-be had to be a believer (verse 4). No ifs, ands, or buts…Abe wasn’t going to even give his son the temptation of settling for an unbelieving mate. It was all or nothing because, just like others found out along the way, unbelieving spouses lead their counterparts away from God or make life miserable. Aside from all the problems of marrying an unbeliever (or uncommitted professing believer), the biggest future problem to overcome is this: A spouse who doesn’t love God with their whole fully committed heart can’t love their mate with God’s love. That means their love will be human, selfish, conditional, and potentially temporary.

The person God has selected for you will love you with God’s love and will work at being selfless, unconditional, and God will continually put His unfailing love in his/her heart for you so it won’t give up or stop. That’s a great security!

Key Point 3: The servant went looking (verse 10). The believers of that time were spread out—it was necessary to search for the right one. It’s not much different today. Truly committed single believers are hard to locate and need to be creative in seeking each other out. Fortunately, we live in some pretty high-tech times with options (watch for Part II of this article tomorrow, where we will look at specific ways for Christian singles to meet each other).

Still hung up on the “search for” mentality? If you need a job, do you pray about it and then sit home hoping some mega job opportunity will fall in your lap? Like, some big shot employer out there will get wind you need a job and will call with an offer you can’t refuse? In your dreams, dude! God has a part and we have a part. We have to keep our eyes open and be willing to check out the options so God can direct us the ways He wants us to go.

The problem of getting ahead of God in relationships isn’t looking around or making ourselves available, it’s when we force things that aren’t meant to be because we get impatient. Choosing a life mate has to be done very prayerfully and cautiously, ideally with the help of godly counsel in your life, not willfully going ahead with attitudes like, “This one can cook and she doesn’t look too bad either…good enough. I don’t want to be alone…It’s a go!”

Think of it this way. Men are like keys and women are like locks. There is only one key that fits one lock. When trying to figure out which door your key opens guys, don’t break down the door (gals, if his key doesn’t fit, don’t be looking for a window to sneak him in). If your key doesn’t work (revealed through prayer and patience), someone else owns the key to that lock and you need to try a different door. Don’t force the door open that shouldn’t be opened—you don’t know what’s behind that door! Patiently try the key until you find the right door. Wait on God. Date (see key point #7 for definition) AND Wait—spend searching time around single Christians only. Get to know the other person from a completely objective distance and wait on God.

Key Point 4: The servant prayed specifically for God to reveal the one right woman (verses 12-14). Pray specifically, and recognize there is one particular person God made/intended for you to be with. Does it make any sense that God wouldn’t have a specific opinion about who you share the rest of your life with? If He has a specific plan for your life (and He does), why wouldn’t He have an opinion on who could best help you fulfill that plan once they join the picture?

If Isaac and Rebecca aren’t proof enough, how about Adam and Eve. Did God make an assortment of amazing babes and tell Adam to pick out the one he really had the hots for? No…God made one woman for Adam and this woman was the perfect complement for him. Why would it be different now?

God wants you to connect with His will and best plan for your life. Pray specifically that God will show you clearly when the right one shows up. It might not be right away for various reasons, but with God it certainly could be! Note that Rebecca was the answer to both Abe’s and his servant’s requests. She was one of Abraham’s relatives (as he prayed for) and she specifically met the requests of the servant to a T (verses 15-27).

Key Point 5: The woman had character consistent with God’s best: pure (v. 16), modest (v.65), caring/selfless/respectful (vs. 18-20), willing to submit to God’s leading (vs. 57-58), considerate (v. 25) Before you can expect God to give you the best, you have to be God’s best for someone else. Eagles aren’t attracted to turkeys…become what you’re looking for.

Key Point 6: The servant sought the counsel of the woman’s family (vs. 33-49). Bringing godly counsel into a relationship is one of the best ways to safeguard against impulsive mistakes. Wise, godly people can hold you accountable with objective counsel. This also gives you a chance to look for one of the most important traits in a marriage partner—teachability. The person you marry isn’t going to be perfect, but if they are teachable, God can reach them. That means they will respond to you and Him when issues need to be addressed without becoming overly defensive or resentful. A teachable person will likely be willing to work at being the best spouse possible which will make for a great marriage!

Key Point 7: They didn’t get emotionally or physically involved with anyone but the one they married (vs. 67). We need a new (or maybe old) dating mentality. The current typical one doesn’t work unless you like getting your body and heart used up and spit out before you even figure out who you’re supposed to be with. This kind of dating we have today is relatively new and doesn’t fit at all with the way I believe God intended two people to get together.

Instead of doing the typical dating thing, try this instead. Get involved with Christian singles through your church, missions, travel, or any of the ways listed in Dating Part II (to be posted tomorrow). Spend time around them as friends. Do social things, talk on the phone, do things in groups, become friends.

After getting to know them pretty well, if you find someone that you are at least moderately attracted to and you have the important things in common—spiritual interest, values, etc.—spend time together (still as friends) praying about what God wants for the friendship. When you don’t have a physical relationship, it’s amazing how much more easily and clearly you perceive God showing you what He wants you to do. Continue to be friends until God says differently. Both people should be convinced of God’s answer in their own personal time with Him, but ideally the man should be the one to pace the relationship according to God’s standards. In short—keep it friendly until God tells you differently. And remember, God doesn’t play games. If you are truly waiting on Him, He will be very specific and direct when He feels you need to know.

Key Point 8: The man (with the help of family) initiated the relationship…while the woman was attentive and receptive. Back to the lock and key illustration, the key is the one that moves about and initiates an unlock situation. The lock on the door stays in one place. I still believe in men being the pursuers. There’s just something not right about women chasing men. If you’re just hanging out being friendly that’s fine, but to initiate time together and pace the relationship, that is up to a god-fearing, praying man. A true man of God will pace the relationship very slowly and patiently, waiting for God’s leading. He won’t build false hope in the woman’s mind by getting carried away by his own emotional desires and moving too fast.

Editor's Note: Watch for part 2 of this article, "Where Do I Find God's Best" tomorrow on CBN.com.

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